just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
