you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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