im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
