i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
