the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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