Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
