I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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