I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
