I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
