My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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