Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize