i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
