remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
