I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
