She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
