Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
