The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Damn victory sex feels great
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize