i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
