i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
