I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
