I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
