I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
