Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
