why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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