I am in a vortex of obligation.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
