Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
