yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
