why didn't you poke me back
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
