He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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