she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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