I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
