I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
