I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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