My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
