A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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