I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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