is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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