no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
