You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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