It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
