4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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