we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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