Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
