Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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