please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
