come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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