So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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