Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
