I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
