I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
