you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
