Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dignity is for republicans.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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