Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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