I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
