I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
