My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
