I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
