We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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