I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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