i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
