there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
