I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
