who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
