I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
