Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize