Can Purell be used as lube?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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