And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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