Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
