I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
