i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
